I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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