I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
