He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
