had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
