Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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