when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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