I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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