remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
