I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize