this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He has the fingertips of a God
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
