i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
