If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
