I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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