drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
