Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
