he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
