just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
