Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize