Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
