I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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