You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
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It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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