Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Come see our sink grown plant.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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