Sponge bath it is.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
