Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
babies were throwing up all over the place
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
