should my penis look like a turkey
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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