No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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