My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
