you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hippo gnu deer
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
