Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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