i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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