Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you had me at cake vodka
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
