Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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