Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just high enough for therapy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
