Only a mothe r could love this liver
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
