Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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