It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
