did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We were destined to go to rehab together
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
