Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
