He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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