she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
