Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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