I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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