i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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