he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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