Your mouth is God's brothel.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
