all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
