and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
