she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
