A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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