i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
