sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
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im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.