it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird