Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.