1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
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What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
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Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.