What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
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On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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