Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.