yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
