im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
