So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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