I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
