Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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