can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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