Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
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He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
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Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.