I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Come see our sink grown plant.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
