So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
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mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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