Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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