guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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